Simply put: Chemo sucks.
It's a toxin that under normal circumstances, you would not put in your body.
However, cancer is not normal and mom has chemo in her body.
Chemo that is making her very sick. She can't eat. She can't sleep. She's having hot flashes. Various smells make her naseous. She worked less than 2 hours last night because she couldn't stop throwing up. She now has dry heaves. She's weak. She's tired. She's sick.
I hate chemo. Not only for the way it makes mom feel but for the slap in the face that it gives me.
Most of the time, I can live in this fantasy world where mom is not sick. She's happy. She's healthy. There is no cancer. When I look at mom, I don't see sick. Therefore, I can pretend. However, for the few days that mom is sick with the chemo I am reminded of reality. Reality sucks. Mom is sick. She does have cancer. And the cancer is growing. It's easier for me to hate the chemo and pretend that it's the real cause of her sickness. Even though, deep down, I know its not.
Friday, June 6, 2008
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1 comments:
Oh girl, my prayers go out to your mom. I spent a few hours every week in an IV lab when I was pregnant surrounded by chemo patients. We took the same drug, zofran, and all reveled in the few moments we were able to feel better snuggled up with our blankets and IV's. But I knew that my hell would end, I could only pray for them.
She's lucky to have a kid like you to love her and take care of her.
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